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One thing I hear fairly often in therapy sounds something like this: “I assumed you were mad at me.” “You seemed angry.” “I thought you were upset, so I figured you needed some space.” “I could tell you were frustrated, so I canceled our plans.” At first glance, these statements can sound caring. Someone noticed a change in their partner and tried to respond. They were trying to be considerate. They were trying not to make things worse. But there is a relational pattern hidin